I have been gone for quite a while not because I truly stopped caring but because I let life get in the way of my stubborn pursuit of legacy. I’ve been run through the ringer so to speak this year. But it has had one benefit. Clarity. Like all trying time there is a sense of cleansing whether it be owning up to your misdeeds or acknowledging the need for self improvement. I’ve been trying to look at the last year like a fire and me as a impure kind of iron. It certainly has been hot, and I’ve been trying to find the correct elements to add to myself to become steel. So far it has been a altruistic journey seemed in large part to be benefiting others rather than myself, and while that was helpful you cant truly grow if you never save any time or energy for yourself.
The first thing I did was be honest even when it was embarrassing and the consequence dire. I gave my word to live by a set of rules and I failed at upholding them. The punishment that followed was at first painiful, necessary but most definitely painful and not just for me. I’ve been striving to heal that part of me and its rapidly grown into a cathartic experience. Not just because of the quiet but also too because of the unlimited potential for growth. It’s certainly been a sink or swim kind of thing.
I’ve also thrown myself into research trying to build knowledge around me in a sort of metaphorical armor. It’s been both helpful and detrimental to my personal friendships and associations. Not everyone believes in creation of legacy or painful self-improvement. A lot of people take things at snails pace. Consoling themselves in morsel sized bites of improvement. To me that seems to take a lifetime. Not to say there is anything wrong with that, but its not for me. On the same hand I refuse to apologize for doing things in a way that is a bit breakneck and archaic. I can’t keep compiromising for the sake of social benefit. I did for a while to fit into the art scene locally and honestly I wasn’t benefitting myself or growing. I wasn’t even enjoying time spent with people. It was stymied by a constant parlor of just good enough,
For me art is about excellence, challenging norms, legacy and lasting beauty. I guess I share different views than a lot of people. I probably go about it in a very aggressive way too. But once again I’m done apologizing for not agreeing with pc art culture and the constant blind self gratification that follows it. I don’t have to appreciate art I find distasteful, I don’t have to support artist who have negative sometimes dangerous habits just because they’re artist. Talent isn’t a excuse to misbehave or take advantage of people. If I’m in this battle alone so be it. I don’t care if I’m liked if only I can be respected for my honest and morals.
As to my art I’m trying to define what I want to see in my art. I got very distracted by others expectations for a while. That’s done now. Whether it be philosophy, science or God that inspires my art next is yet to be seen. But I assure you this it will be me and it will be interesting. Maybe even beautiful occasionally.
Here is some sample work from my time away from here. Mostly shot on my almost recently acquired Fuji GFX-50r. More on that later.
