Seemingly two things at great odds. But to me one and the same. From talking to a lot of people about their passions and their talents even their creation it seems that a lot of artist or creators create for a sense of peace or in pursuit of happiness. I tried it, as I mentioned in my previous post I tried to create to fit in. Which was my simple way of looking for peace and a sense of belonging. But peace and calm never felt very close to my heart. I grew up rougher than some and better than others. But always there was conflict whether real or imagined, it was definitely ever present in my life.
Peace means something different for me, its not a be-quieted sea or a breeze filled field of flowers. It’s the thundering and wind stricken shores. The howling mountains and the storm raging through trees threatening to tear them up. I’m filled with a deep calm then, and a very real sense of the present. I don’t mean to feel tumultuous or to overthink certain aspects of my life but I do. So in those moments of chaos that is not of my own making I feel free to live in the moment. To experience the infinite peace of the present and the now. That’s where I think art fits into my life.
I am struck by the sincerity of Ben Todd’s lyrics when he talks about a lovers pictures of him “some of them are shining and some of them are blue because one day I’m a sweetheart and the next I’m a brute.” For me that feels like the truth I am a amalgamation of two very different personalities one kind sweet and romantic and relentlessly optimistic. The other lives up to title of ogre and brute, sarcastic and vain muddled with a kind of ever loving desire for conflict and violence, not in the physical sense that I go looking for fights but somehow they find me. That brings me to where I feel my desire to create comes from. I have no great wars to fight, no unexplored continents to conquer. I feel this strangely deep desire for a legacy still though. That’s where I found art and poetry. It gave me a outlet for both sides of me, the happy go lucky kid who desires to fit in, and the man who desire to never see another soul again. One face is acceptable the other is not. But still both are part of me and to give up one side for the sake of simplicity felt like dying. I was always impressed at this grandiose expressions of art, paints in all their terrible splendor, symphonies in their relentless calculated highs and lows, dancers exploding in passion under bright lights. I love watching people create. The passion and exertion plainly evident on their faces as if in the throws of love or death. To me that was the closest I was ever going to get to glory. So I threw myself whole heartedly into art. Some it was photography, painting, sketching, steel working and poetry. They allow for this violent creation without my hands ever really being dirtied by misdeeds. Though in retrospect there has been plenty of missteps. But as with all creation I think it comes in steps and plateaus. Some days you have these lighting blitzkriegs of inspiration and learning the next is a dry cloudless desert sky. But together I think they paint a picture as beautiful as one of those set down by the hands of the old masters. My life will be interest regardless of how hard I have to struggle for it.
That’s why I create, why do you? What will you leave behind when your bones have long gone? Will it be family, scars or art. Tell me about it I am eager to learn about you.